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. Helpline here ... What’s the problem?”Customer: “I’m in the Outback with the girlfriend and she’s been stung on her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!”Australian Telephone Operator: “Bummer!”Customer: “Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”These are compliments of Gary H.Disturbing Beer News.Yesterday, University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:1) Gained weight.2) Talked excessively without making sense.3) Became overly emotional.4) Couldn’t drive.5) Failed to think rationally.6) Argued over nothing.7) Had to sit down while urinating.8) Refused to apologize when. On Monday morning I did have one thing I could try to cause Austin to smileonce again. Initially he looked confused when I handed him a stack ofbackstage passes to the Sarah Carerra concert we would be performing at theschool later this week."What are these for?" he asked me."These are backstage passes for the school concert," I told him. "I have 60passes that I need to pass out today, and I want you to pass out 20 ofthem."He stared at the passes for a moment as he realized what that meant. Then Iwas rewarded with a huge smile that I was hoping for as he looked up at me."Are you serious?" he asked, excitement overcoming his sadness."I'm serious," I replied, returning his smile. "Pick the 20 people whom youknow who you want to be there or who you think most deserve it. Just makesure that you write down their names on the paper on top so we have a recordof whom we gave them to, okay?" Okay," he said and I saw his mind start cranking away on who he wanted toinvite to the party of the.
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